April 9th

We're fucking cute, aren't we?

Hey! Let's begin. 

Today is the day after passover, and I am feeling well rested, and perfectly satiated. I think this lends a lethargic quality to my writing. I'm just so sleepy and content and can feel my ideas melting into a viscous goo before I have the opportunity to express them. 

Dinner last night was delicious. I mean, you can't beat the Deec, but it came pretty darn close. Everything was home cooked simple and you could just taste the nutrients. Do you know what I'm talking about? You know when you're hungry, but need more than to just fill your stomach and you just want to be able to taste the healthfulness of your food. Well I find this phenomenon to be most realized in foods like brussels sprouts where you can feel the leaves dust over your tongue and can taste the garden and feel good and pure despite the industrialization of American agriculture. I really like brussels sprouts. 

Oh, so this is funny. Throughout the Passover Seder, four cups of wine are drunk at appropriate intervals during the ceremony. Passover wine is called Manishevitz and it is sweet, bordering on syrupy and is pleasant as a once-a-year sort of thing. Well, as the night progressed I noticed that my wine had been liberally sloshed about my place setting. It was on the table cloth, on my shirt, and on my plate. It was such a mess, and it was kind of embarrassing that my place setting was more disheveled than the four year old's who was sitting across from me. After the first spill I was startled at my clumsiness, and really couldn't understand how it had happened. It was something of a phantom accident. I tried to cover it up relatively discreetly especially considering that my aunt is a neat freak and wouldn't be thrilled about my lack of coordination. As the splattering continued, I became worried about my level of intoxication. How drunk could I be after 3 glasses of wine?! I'm pretty proud of my relatively high tolerance and was yet again embarrassed that I was unable to hold my liquor in from of a table full of mostly strangers. I really looked a right mess and was kind of panicking. Myself and my surroundings were saturated in the sticky sweet fruit of the vine. By the time the 4th glass came around I could almost feel the wine oozing out of the sides of my glass before I was able to make yet another failed attempt at drinking. On second thought, I actually could feel the wine oozing, no wait! Leaking! from my glass. Yup, My wine glass had a perpetually dripping, sloshing, gushing, leak that was responsible for all of my personal internal trauma. FML. Now one of my favorite sweaters is stained, but oh well, it was all in the spirit of Pesach. 

I'm not happy with this post. I'm too relaxed and nearly agitated enough to make it work as I usually do. Stay tuned for tuesday ,also come to the drag show on Saturday. 

One final note, Today's post is brought to you by Molly Shoemaker. This divine angel of salvation maintained the consistency of my blogging by allowing me to use her Power chord in order to save my dying computer. If you see molly around be sure to thank her for allowing your greatest source of pleasure to continue to exist. So, don't let her heroic deed be in vain by neglecting to comment. Ok?

April 7th

Ok, Onward ho!  

Moving on,

This was a good weekend that had the usual potential to be a great weekend. Coming off of a fulfilling Thursday, I was hopeful that this past weekend would be one of my  best yet. In some respects it was, but the mediocre nature of Saturday kept it from reaching true ascension. Friday, however, deserves special mention. You know that perfect level of intoxication? Where edges are blurred, and faces are softened, and conversation flows more smoothly than the crystal palace you chugged just minutes earlier. Well I was there. Friday is a decadent blur. I remember being on the 5th floor of main pretty sharply, but everything goes so wonderfully fuzzy as I made my way to the TH's. It was an E block party, I tend to like those parties, so I was pumped from the get go. It didn't hurt that I was a star flip-cup player, and that I was surrounded by friends and casual acquaintances. highlights of the night include smoking a shit ton of cigarettes, hanging on a friend's ex-boyfriend's neck and talking about god knows what, dominating at pong, vomiting in the sink, and waking up the next morning not entirely sure how I made it fully clothed and uninjured back to my bed. 

After the gentle reprieve of the weekend, I was thrust back into the mix of class, homework, and, you guessed it, procrastination. I actually just paused my typing to both pretend to pay attention to class, and to contemplate my procrastinatory plans for the week.

Speaking of things planned this week, first and foremost in my mind is the Drag Show!!! Now, I will definitely have a post with all the extravagant detail next Tuesday, but for now I'm keeping Mum so as not to ruin the impact of drag-excellence. Without giving anything away, I am hugely excited and spent 3 hours, and $200 shopping for all the accouterments, sparkle, and pizazz of a female impersonator. I then spent another few hours assembling, crafting, and honing my inner RuPaul. In the process of preparation I attempted to dye my wig red with some viscous ass red dye from Hot Topic. It looked like congealed menstrual blood. Which was awesome, considering Menstrual blood is one of my favorite things in the world. Again, 100% serious. The dyeing process inevitably resulted in some staining, and that is where this story, well it's really more of a rant, really begins. 

So, I step out of the elevator, fresh from victory at trivia night, and to my surprise and dismay I am instantly accosted by unfittingly disturbed reactions to the mild pink stains coating the basin of the middle sink in our bathroom. Some of my hall mates were truly horrified that the porcelain surface of a sink which they Never make actual physical contact with had changed color. One particular individual was riding so high on her horse that I was truly concerned about what could happen to her if she were to fall. A cold greeting followed by a reminder that I really should clean up my mess was all I needed to be thoroughly repulsed and adequately angered. My main beef comes from the innocuous nature of the problem. Nothing about the stain would affect the quality of life of any individual who came across it. Furthermore, the initially rich magenta, in the course of a few hours, had faded to a dusty rose, and would clearly dissipate due to natural wear and tear. The silliness of people truly astounds me. I find it Anthropologically interesting that in our culture, people are so eager to find something to be upset about. ( I guess I could include myself in this assessment, as I love to find things to be upset about so that I can write about them in my blog) I find nothing more repulsive than someone trying to take the moral high ground over an issue entirely unrelated to morality. ugh. This episode concluded with the sinks being pristine and white by the time I woke up this morning thanks to our wonderful and adequately appreciated maintenance staff. Yet another real world example of how being a pushy nosey self important bitch who can't mind their own business is useless and trite. 

Anna just drew this sick ass doodle of an eyes with dolphins circling the pupil. You should totally check it out! Bitch is sick at art!

Ack! I' out of time! See y'all on Thursday

April 2nd

Where to begin? 

Oh! This is exciting! Project Runway is back!!! although it will be airing on Lifetime, I'm still uber excited. I love that show. I love the blend of characters and talent blah blah well I love it for the same reasons that everyone else loves it. It's successful for a reason and I'm thrilled that it's coming back! 

The Reality Scene will be further bolstered by Bravo's retaliatory Project runway rip off design show. I think it's called Fashion Show or something like that. It will star Isaac Mizrahi and Kelly Rowland as Cohosts. They're definitely not Hiedi and Tim but It'll probably be fun. Although there is an unsettling element about Project Runway not airing on Bravo, I am yet to be disappointed by Bravo's reality programming and withhold judgment until further notice. 

Yesterday was a nice day. I had a nice dinner out and April merriment was in the air. 

Recently I've been craving a consuming and magical experience. Preferably I'll be whisked away by a mysterious cloaked figure and drawn into an epic age old struggle in which I am the key to victory over the darkness as told by an ancient and unquestioned prophecy. But a super cool video game would probably cut it. I think I'm an escapist. I love plunging headlong into a game, or story, or fantasy and would prefer to drown in it before facing a less than magical reality. Luckily I am a renowned sorcerer and have no problem introducing magic into my daily life. For instance I can think of a song and It will be played on my shuffle, or I can predict who's calling when my phone rings. These, of course, take little magical exertion and as much as I would like to share some of my greater feats of spellwork, such secrets are not fit for the internet as a rival wizard could easily use that information against me. 

I want to write a fantasy book. Book writing seems so daunting though. I can't imagine filling hundreds of pages with original thoughts that form a cohesive and enthralling narrative. Eh. I just stopped feeling like writing a book. Maybe later. Or over summer. Or never. 

Last night, I spent a good amount of time on makemebabies.com and I had some satisfying and some horrifying results. Mostly, the children I would have with Carrie would be sunken-eyed sewer mutants with bad teeth at best. It's really that bad.  Check out the little fucker...

YIKES!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH neuter me NOW!

Speaking of Horror, that's the topic in Philosophy this week. I am such hot shit in that class. I'm mostly the best at Philosophizing, and Jennifer Church reminds me of my Mima. Talk about a brilliant woman though, she's really a fantastic teacher and constantly challenges and seems to have every philosophical viewpoint in her arsenal. I mean, I'm sure the responses of Vassar students don't have too much variability throughout the years, but still. The bitch is quick and her class has made me seriously consider a philosophy major. 

Alot of the heart and soul of this blog lies in the pictures. I mean what good is an impeccably written, overwhelmingly humorous, and infinitely interesting blog without our goofy faces peering at you from behind your screen. We do it for you. Anyway, I had to cautiously shuffle the computer between us, Anna had to scoot into a position of visibility and we had to hold the pose while we waited for photobooth to snap our picture. Of course I continued to make guilty eye contact with MK and she, with a knowing look, continued her lesson. Maybe she lets us get away with such shenanigans because Anna and I own the shit out of this class! Seriously you can't complain when we rock midterms and bust out essays with the skill and grace of trained ballerinas. Anyway, the picture this week probably portrays the constraints of our situation as it is dynamic but in a subdued way  if you know what I mean. 

Antarctica is a 5th world continent. Deal with it. I'm out.

P.S. leave me some sugar.

March 31st

The Day that Should have been Lady GaGa. 

Today is something of a disappointment. I was supposed to go to a Lady GaGa concert tonight, but the bitch decided to Reschedule her concert on Founder's Day. You know, that day that you hear about all the time that's supposed to be super crazy fun. The day on which your status as a Freshman begins to melt away and your student fellows can openly drink with you. A day I do not want to miss. And now I'm forced to choose between Lady GaGa, and Vassar tradition. 

Other than that I finished a paper just in time for class, but then couldn't find my V-card and couldn't print and have to e-mail the paper blah blah blah. I need to shower. 

The Gloominess persists as I am at a loss for a fun story and for the time in which to tell it. We started class today with a discussion about group projects that left me high and dry when it came to blogging as it wasn't exactly a topic that would allow for aggressive clicking and klacking in the background. 

I guess now it's time for a lil' disclaimer deally. First let's just handle typo's as a whole. I make alot of them. Hopefully my meaning is still clear, but if it isn't, suck it. I don't care, this blog is not about being perfect (I'm close enough as is.) It's about fun for me and entertainment for you. I hope typo's don't interfere too much I just hate proof  reading. I guess when this gets published into a book I'll probably fix it up. 

Actually, now that I read the above paragraph I think I sound like a cunty bitch, but I wanted to type it at the time, so it stays. 

Eh, this hasn't really lived up to the quality of my recent posts, but it will have to do. Until Thursday! and who knows, If I get enough comments, maybe I'll start posting outside of class. 

March 26th

First and foremost, Ross is sadly absent from class today. I would like to suggest a brief moment of silence and contemplation as we all try to move on and focus on Anthropology despite the absence of a dear friend and fellow scholar.

Breaking News: Suchorita Bose and I have been having a lovely facebook wall-to-wall and I see our friendship beginning to blossom.

March 24th

Do we EVER have alot of ground to cover today! 

I am back from Spring Break and it feels great! (Mostly because I have my car! Holla!)

So, after the extreme stress, duress, and near death of midterm season I left on a jet plane for sunny Florida. To spice things up, my Dad booked my flight out of Newburgh instead of the city, and it was kind of nice. I think I'd do it again, but preferably without a layover. Of course the adventure lies in the layover in this story so for the sake of my readership, I might encourage the detour. My layover was in Detroit which, might I add, is a beautiful airport. There were hotels, and shopping, and a sushi bar which was kind of neat, but ultimately I don't trust airport sushi. So, I get on my plane and my neighbors are a mildly disgusting middle aged man, and a mildly ethnic looking girl with an urban streak. Staring off simply, the man was generally quiet, but being a disgusting fat ass, he decided to purchase a snack pack. Now, this act was innocuous enough, however the airline saw it fit to include Tuna Fish with the pack. Yes, stinky squishy, yucky, Tuna Fish on an enclosed, cramped, stifled airplane, and Yes. It smelled just as good as it sounds. His smacking,  gummy, chews only served to heighten the bliss of the sensory experience. Now, the girl was a full blooded Native American Indian. Who had flitted in and out of rehab and had managed to accumulate a grand total of 5 credits during the course of four years of high school. As impressive as that sounds, her accomplishments are embellished  by her talent as a tattoo artist. Yes, she had hand tattooed herself seven times over. Our further chatting revealed that she had been in 15 fights, mostly with boys, all with individuals larger than she, and she had only lost one. Of course this crippling defeat resulted in a broken back for her and a shattered eye socket for her assailant. My girl had game! Suffice it to say I felt very safe with my own personal socket shattering barbarian at my side. I also learned that she was particularly thrilled over this particular trip to Florida because it will be the first time that her brother will be out of jail while she is visiting. My heart was truly warmed. We concluded our conversation with me showing her some highlights from RuPaul's Drag race, and assuring her that my cell phone being on would not cause the plane to come hurtling to the ground in blazing glory. Feeling satiated with Native American Culture, and fearing a Tomahawk to the skull, I turned to my computer planning to watch an episode of Rupaul's Drag race. This was interrupted by my neighbor's realization that I had an episode of America's Next Top Model on my computer, and  decided that we should watch it together. She hands me her headphones, expecting my computer to have grown an extra audio port, and I had to explain to her that there was only room for one set of headphones. To this she responds, "Oh, That's fine. We'll share." Of course, how silly of me. We would share. Although I left the plane rich in experience, I was poor in headphones. 

So Spring break went on and I enjoyed seeing my dear friend Lisa despite the interference of her having brought 4 friends from college home, severely limiting alone time opportunities. I also saw Britney's Circus with my mom, which was fun and nice, but the concert was mediocre, and going with my Mom was not an ideal concert decision, but was enjoyable none the less. I visited Sarah in Miami and don't remember much of the nights, and enjoyed beaching and shopping during they days. Oh, and being a cocky idiot mother fucker, I insisted on going out for a fancy dinner and ended up spending $184. Oh yeah, Fuck my Life. Here's the long and short of it. Sarah looked up fine dining in Miami and bypassed all of the (delicious) places she's already tried. She ends up at a place called Barton G, which her friend described as being "Very fancy" as she noted that "the dessert came out on fire!". This should have been a red flag. This didn't sound like true fine dining, but I was optimistic, and Sarah seemed excited. The place looked very nice, and had a romantic secluded vibe so initially, all systems were go. We noticed that drinks were coming out illuminated, smoking, in goblets shaped like elephants, and shot glasses shaped like giraffes, and the whimsy of it all really captured us. We were buying into some hardcore bullshit. My Foi Gras Appetizer was presented with a three foot tall eiffel tower model resting on the place. Of course, this little number cost $26 for one chunk of Foi Gras. For some perspective, in NYC at a superior restaurant I got 5 chunks or so for the same price. This was followed by the Lobster. Oh yes, I did it big! Did I mention that it was listed as costing MARKET PRICE, oh, and me, the fucking schmuck-O idiot didn't feel the need to ask exactly how much "market price" would cost. Turns out $125. Luckily we're not in an economic crisis or anything, right? When I got the bill, my eyes bulged, my stomach dropped, and my heart broke. And of course while I was reeling in shock of my reckless extravagance Sarah was laughing to the point of self urination while calling her parents to share my idiocy with them. If that isn't a true friend, I don't know what is.

On the way out of Miami I had to stop by West Palm to pick up Max and bring him back to my neck of the woods where he'd be staying with Eleanor and her grandparents. This detour would take me on a different route home than I usually take back from Miami and as a result we got lost. In the ghetto. The Ge-heh-Toe! It was very gritty and real, if you know what I'm saying. Basically we took an exit after we'd gotten onto the wrong highway in an attempt to turn around. This resulted in our entry to the first circle of something dante could only dream of. At a stop light I rolled down my window and asked directions, and two helpful ladies pointed us in the right direction closing with the advice "You best LOCK YO' DOORS White Boy!" I was back on the highway before the words had a chance to sink in. After that initial rattling the rest of the trip was uneventful. 

At home I spent some quality time with Max and Eleanor, and then My Mom and I started the 20 hours journey to NY. Well, she did. I slept. and slept. and then got sick. My Aunt took first class care of me and it was great to see some fam, but even greater to finally get back to school. I love college. Mostly the people, and the alcohol, but a little bit of the academics as well Especially Martha Kaplan. I don't love homework though. Just saying. 

So here I am back in the stress pot. I can contemplate all sorts of should-do's and would-do's and will-do's knowing they're really more of never-do's. And that's about it. This class has been good for a recap and I think I got a few fun tales out of my system. Let's hope I did well on my cultural anthropology midterm! Muah Love you!!!!

March Third

Here we go again! I am still fucked. Seriously. I have lost my virginity to my college education. 

This post is going to have to be relatively short, or at least written in a short period of time because I need to study some Japanese Vocabulary. The agenda for today is to do my Japanese Homework, Read a philosophy article, Study Study Study Linear Algebra, Write a philosophy paper, and write some short answers for Women in Antiquity. And that's all just an appetizer for My (you guessed it!) Cultural Anthropology reading. 

So, Anna is ghetto fab. Just thought you should know. 

Today is also my Dad, My Poppy, and Schnooky's Birthday!!!! Yay!!!! so here's some b-day shout outs for them. 

Spring break is right around the corner and I am pumped beyond reason because my Spring Break is basically going to own! Thank god home = FL because I am ready for warmth and sunshine! Also I am going to Miami! I can't wait! I can't wait to see Sarah, I can't wait to eat delicious (and expensive) food, and I can't wait to go clubbing in South Beach! The icing on the cake is that Max and Eleanor are going to be in Tampa!! And we're going to Busch gardens! I just have to get through the trials of the next few days and then I am home free and headed towards fun in the sun. 

I need to constantly have a puppy in my life. I miss Schnooky and I love dogs. They are the best. and they have cute faces. Like me. 

I really need to start reaserching internships. I don't know why I've let the internship window slip by, but I did and that's dissapointing. I've been distracted by work and life and general confusion and undecidedness about what I would like to do with myself. Hopefully I'll go to Japan this summer. Dead serious. That's be the shit! But I think the trip costs like 10,000$ which is alot.  Ok. I'm done. Bye.