Stories

Alright, the shit is hitting the fan yet again here at Blogthropology. But then again, do you have a point of view if you're not ruffling at least a few feathers? Basically, my posts concerning how upset, embarrassed, and mortified I was when I was accused of making a black joke (when I assure you I was doing no such thing) are coming under fire yet again.

Anonymous, threatening comments do not help. I took down the posts in question, despite my disinclination towards self censorship, because I can't help someone I can't identify, and despite popular opinion, I'm really not out to upset anyone. Blogging has given me a few insights into how far one can push an envelope and I'm learning what does and doesn't fly in cyberspace. I think everything objectionable would make more sense If I had the opportunity to explain myself to a relatable human being, but the beauty and curse of the internet is that that is not always the case, and I'm learning to post with that in mind.

Ok, I was committed to not offending anyone with this post, but I think I might have to break that rule (or maybe this miraculously won't offend anyone). Alright, I'm just wondering if I'm offending the same people that were offended by the back page, or if supporters of the back page are offended by me but not it. There's alot of material in that thought.

Anyway, I have to short stories to share. Nothing momentous has happened in the past few days, and my life has become a stress ball after I realized that I needed to pick up Latin two weeks into the semester in order to be able to complete my Classics major and have the option of going abroad. So basically I'm learning a chapter of Latin a night so that I may be all caught up by Monday and then things will return to a slightly more regular pace.

Moving on... I love what I've been doing for the Misc., but it doesn't seem like anyone else is too thrilled. Or at least the ones who are thrilled are silently thrilled, which is ok, but not preferred. Anyway, since this post is already dealing with sensitive issues and hypersensitive people, I'm going to try to address the "haters". All I have to say is that I am not trying to replace or reinvent or anything that had to do with the back page AT ALL! I've been working on getting a column since last year and thought of it as entirely independent from the back page. Personally, I wasn't a fan of the back page BUT It was an awesome vehicle for actually getting papers into peoples hands and it should be obvious that I fully support free speech in any form. So, yeah, I WANT THE BACK PAGE BACK IN THE MISC. I think it was a poor decision to get rid of it. That doesn't change the fact that I enjoy telling my stories and I think enough people enjoy reading them to justify my thoughts occupying a small portion of the misc. My column is fluff and fun, and at least they're not printing it on the back page. Now THAT would be offensive.

Wow Gotta love the upbeat tone of this post!

We're actually getting there. To the upbeat part that is.

Oh look! We're here

So I went to Baldwin on Tuesday. Throughout Monday I started to develop feverish symptoms and began to fear the worst. That's right Avian Flu! I actually just thought I had a cold or a sinus infection or something and needed to get to sleep early and take a day off hopefully getting some meds from the kind nurses at Baldwin in the process.

So I enter the building, already feeling better than the night before, and try to converse pleasantly with a curt nurse who informs me that because I was a walk-in I'd have somewhere near a 25 minute wait. She then asks me if I was feeling feverish. I nod, and attempt to explain that I had taken my temperature the night before and that I was perfectly cool, but before I can get a word out she is barking at me to put put a face mask on IMMEDIATELY before I spread the dreaded swine.

I thought this was silly. I understand the precaution, I was just amused by the urgency. I still don't get why swine flu is a big deal but I definitely do understand that no one wants to get sick. That, of course, is why I decided to wear my mask to the Deec that night for dinner, but that comes just a few sentences later in the story. Annoyed, I sat down and pulled out a book to occupy me during my 25 minute wait, when lo and behold, a nurse appears within a matter of moments to take me back and begin the examination. Her touch was delicate, her voice, soothing, her diagnosis...lacking a bit. I'm sure this has something to do with the economy or whatever, but Baldwin definitely has a case of School Nurse Syndrome. The Vassar equivalent of a cold compress seems to be a reminder to wash your hands, brush your teeth, and get plenty of sleep, and a dose of Zyrtec if you're lucky. Zyrtec in hand, I limped my way back to my room making swine noises at the passersby. People who knew me probably knew I was just fucking around, but I'm sure a few freshman learned just how serious the swine flu epidemic was on that day.

The Deec part was also a fair bit of fun. At first I was hesitant to wear my mask into the Deec because I didn't want it to interfere with my goal to eat as much food as quickly as possible with as little hassle as possible. Eating at the Deec is a game of tact and timing. I bet I can get a hamburger faster than you can any day of the week. It's all about massaging the system (Right Reslife? Why can't I let anything die?) Anyway, after I had appeased my stomach, it was time for the social experiment to begin. I snapped on my mask and went about making a dessert plate for myself.I was hoping that an alarm would sound, and the Deec would go into read alert and I'd be tackled by the lady who works the pizza station or something, but I just got a few looks. Wouldn't that be fun though? Couldn't you imagine the Deec employing a secret squad of food ninjas (So that's where the endowment went!) In the end, I suspect that the best reactions were internal. Too bad I can't read minds.

The last story is a quickie. It's mostly just me being proud of myself for a little quip that I pulled off nearly flawlessly. Remember the 7 deadly sins event in Jewett? Well I do! If you do remember, than you probably remember a charming creature in the elevator screaming "FIRST FLOOR OOONLY!" Every single time the doors opened. I thought it was quite fun! Seven deadly sins may have been a bit ambitious but I think it's a fabulous idea and the girl in the elevator just sort of tied the whole experience together. She was a unifying thread and she wasn't afraid to infuse her potentially dull position as elevator attendant with some whimsy. I'm not sure how much of this night she remembers, but I will always look fondly upon her performance.

Anyway, I see her the library yesterday, and we've established something of an acquaintanceship rooted in our mutual love for the first floor of any building, so I say hi. She smiles. I wave. She waves. We both wave. We giggle a little. Then she proceeds to start walking up the stairs. Something just didn't feel right. So I froze. My shoulders tense, my face twisted into a look of panicked concern. She stops. Her shoulders tense. Her face is...confused. Then I smile real wide and shout "FIRST FLOOR ONLY!" The End! (p.s. we Laughed!)