Dilemmas

I must confess I'm at a bit of an impasse. Life has been less than eventful lately, and any ideas I've had have gone straight into my column in the misc. The printed word is more impressive than the digital, right? Actually, that's probably wrong. I can definitely reach more people with this blog than I can in my school newspaper but there's a sense of accomplishment seeing my words lined up all nice in a column in a physical newspaper. Regardless, I'm still stuck in something of a rut, but I'm trying not to let my blogging fall entirely by the wayside or else I'll get to the point where I don't even write about the exciting stuff anymore.

All this deep contemplation brings us to today's assignment: Excite me! Whether you're a crazy waitress, a disgrunteled civil servant, or just a plain old bitch, go out of your way to interact with me. Give me a story to tell, I guess I could always make something up or just blather on or find something to have an opinion on, but it's always so much easier when I have an actual event to work with.

I already feel like I'm out of steam, but the blog must go on!

Ooh! This is interesting! Today, I found out that an individual in one of my classes is a mother! Can you believe that? It really sends me for a loop. I'm used to everyone my age having relatively similar life experiences. Regardless of race, gender, wealth etc... we've all pretty much been through the drooling and the schooling and find ourselves at something of a common ground. I understand that we're currently in the launching pad years and our experiences will see some serious variety, but to think that some one made it to the age of 18-22 and HAS a child while I've made it to age 18-22 and still AM a child. Trippy stuff! I'm also so curious to see her living situation. If Vassar is setting her up in some luxurious family style apartment, than it's time for me to seriously consider fatherhood.

I actually really want to be a dad...someday, but I don't have an image of how kids fit into the plan yet. I'll be twenty this year, that gives me 8 or 9 years before I'm out of eggs. If I want kids I have to hurry! But seriously, I don't want to be an old Dad. I know some kids have older parents and it seems to work out very nicely. There's financial stability and a certain sophistication that comes from having parents the age of my grandparents, but i really like my young parents, but maybe that's just because that's what I'm used to.

And here I am, thinking way too hard about starting a family when I don't even have a boyfriend! That's probably step one. Step two might involve circumventing the limits of biology, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. The moral of the story is that I need to be mondo rich by the time I'm 28 and then I can have a baby. And if I'm not mondo rich by the time I'm 35 it looks like the Gilburne name ends with me because I sure as hell am not having kids after I'm 35. These are my golden years we're talking about, and I'm not willing to give them up for the sake of some brat. (yeah, I know I have a younger brother so the Gilburne name dies with him if it dies at all, but that really sucks the drama out of the situation).

So, now I'm 28, happily married or partnered or whatever the government is letting us do these days. I'm really rich. I take my flying car to office each day, scratch that I'm chauffeured in a flying car to the space station that I own and attend to whatever business is responsible for my riches (this is not something I'm picky about, but I fancy myself a successful and ambitious black market arms dealer). Hopefully we've found aliens by now, and I either smuggle advanced alien technology or I'm an Ambassador from the galactic union of Earth and our fledgling colonies on Jupiter (it was really a very difficult project to colonize Jupiter, considering it's a gas giant and all) Sorry, I've probably lost you by now. Let's recap. I'm rich, married, and I'm gonna have a baby!

It seems like everything is in place, but really it's only beginning. I'm going to want to raise the baby Jewish and honor my heritage and have it Bar/Bat Mitzvah-ed, but who knows what my husband will want. Will he even be human? I figure if I'm going to be working so closely with aliens I should show them that my intentions are pure by marrying one of their own, right? SO it looks like I'm shacking up with E.T. But will my galactic lover feel the same way I do? What if aliens are anti-semitic? What if my baby is an atheist? Oh shit! I'M an atheist, but my mom would KILL me if my kid isn't Bar/Bat mitzvah-ed.

Now, if you think this Bar/Bat business is getting tedious, you're not alone. But this is the issue that I've really been dreading. Do I want a boy or a girl? I know you're not supposed to have a preference, but I think I might, but then again I fluctuate. I think I want a boy, and I know he'll be raised in the future, but what if it's not easy for him to have two daddies and all of the other space-kids make fun of him? I don't want that. But I think it would be so fun to raise a kind smart sensitive young boy who plays sports and likes girls and all of those other boy things but has that special twist that can only come from having me as a parent. As cute as that scenario is... playing dress up will be an issue. Of course, with a girl her life would be glitz and sparkles and unicorns (my luck I'll pop out some tom boy type with no fashion sense) But a girl would be easy, and isn't parenthood supposed to be a fulfilling yet frustrating challenge?

Shit! What if my alien baby doesn't have gender at all?

Uh-oh I think I've just enforced and legitimade (intentional typo) gender binaries. All this talk of boys, girls, and neuter alien babies makes me realize what a strong hold gender has on our conception of almost everything. It also makes me hungry.

Ok, Now I've confused myself. Time for another recap. I'm rich, married, Jewish, and I have a baby. I've decided he's a boy. I can't help it, I want one and it happens to be the natural biological result of the fertilization ritual I have engaged in with my alien lover (this is the future ANYTHING is possible!). Now what? Of course he'll be getting a private education, but where? Will he board on earth, or go to one of those snobby academies on the rings of Saturn? Will he live at home. Will we move to a suburban space colony because the schools are better there?, but wouldn't that effect MY life, and I need to be close to a metropolitan space station for my job. We may be rich, but I'm young and I have my whole career ahead of me, and it's just not something I'm willing to give up.

As you can see family planning has its unique but stimulating challenges, and after really thinking it over seriously, despite it all, I think I'm ready to be Dad today! Bring it on universe!

Note from the Author: This was kind of a new tone for the blog wasn't it? I think I like it. how about you?